Overcoming My Negative Self-Talk

The weather has just been glorious in Colorado Springs for the past week. So when M and I went to brunch, I wanted to show off some of my new warm-weather clothes that I had only been wearing around the house with sweat pants (I coined the term “sweat pant chic” in college cause ya girl lived in sweats, even in the sweltering Oklahoma summers).

As I put this outfit together and tried it on, my heart sank to my stomach. I did not look like the traditional idea of American beauty. I loved the outfit but couldn’t get over the feeling of a breeze on my tummy and my back. I felt so exposed. Physically and emotionally. It felt too wild for little ol’ me to wear, especially after months and months of sweaters, boots, and cold weather gear. But as soon as I recognized this feeling, I just said, “Fuck it.” Fuck the idea that thin women are healthier. Fuck the idea that people in large bodies should not wear crop tops. Fuck the idea that women deserve to be cat-called, sexually assaulted, etc. because of revealing clothes like these. Fuck the negative self-talk which is my same narrative, old story. But this time, I fought it. After chanting my mantra to myself, “our weight is not our worth”, I felt ready to take on brunch with my tummy and huge cancer scar showing, traditional beauty standards be damned!

I did so well through brunch even when a couple with dogs started talking to us about Atticus (cause he’s just so damn cute and polite in public). I was so proud of myself until an old friend appeared with her girlfriend and the cutest puppy in tow, all of whom were so stylish and chic. Even their dog had a fashionable harness/leash situation. I was not prepared to let people I know see my outfit/exposed body. I was not prepared to stand up and expose myself to people I care about. I was awkward through the whole interaction, and it’s solely because I was thinking about how my body looked to my friends. I remember that my body immediately went into the I’m not taking up much space posture. You know the one, shoulders rounded, back hunched, eyes down, don’t look at me. It took me several minutes afterwards to regain my composure, to again be comfortable with taking up space, and to rescue my “fuck off, I look damn good” attitude.

There’s something deeply satisfying about the “fuck off” attitude in the face of self doubt. Have you tried it instead of falling into the dark pit of negative self-talk? It’s working wonders for me not giving a shit about what other people think of me and my body.


Currently Loving:


Since M and I moved into our house, Taluah (pronounced like Kahlua) has been so much happier with all the room she has to sunbathe and con us into tummy rubs. I mean, look at that face.

2019 Pantone

TA DA, this is the 2019 Pantone color of the year if you haven’t heard. I’ve loved this color for, like, ever. I especially love Jessica Alba’s coral trousers paired with her long navy blazer. I may try to recreate this via thrift store magic.

Mom Rainbow

My mom and Aunt Paula were in town for a little over two weeks, so my cousin, Courtney and I took our moms to their first drag show. It was a brunch drag show on Family Day, so it was much, much tamer than your run of the mill drag show. This was a good way to let them get their feet wet in the queer pool without feeling like they were drowning. My mom was even lucky enough to be kissed by a Drag King named Phoenix. Phoenix, if you’re reading this, we loved you! Sorry I was awkward and looked down every time you shimmied up to the table.

Also, I’m loving my sign language class! I forgot how much of a geek I am when it comes to this kind of thing. I came home from my second class and told M that I forgot how alive I feel when learning. NERD ALERT. But seriously, formal education is my jam. And I’m meeting some really cool people I wouldn’t have met otherwise. Like, never in a million years would our paths have crossed. Connecting with new people while learning a whole new way to connect with people? Sign me up for LIIIIIIFE.

All my love,


Currently Loving:

Currently 1

  1. Hiding from the Mondayest Tuesday there ever was this week while luxuriating in these flannel sheets. Attie didn’t want to get out of bed either.

Currently 2

2. Planning for New Year’s Eve: I got a text this morning from one of my friends with whom I explored Montreal a couple years ago for New Year’s. He suggested renting a cabin somewhere in Colorado, and I had heard of Ouray, Colorado for years but have never been. When I sent this picture to the group, the immediate answer was a resounding yes! Ouray, here we come. (Also, the Little Swizterland of Colorado? I mean, come ON!)

3. Crispy Cheesecake Pom Poms: Found on the Bench’s menu in Colorado Springs. A coworker and I went to this restaurant which was a short trek across the street. We almost died via cheeseake “pom poms”. How happy is that? Deep fried cheesecake at 11:00 AM on a Wednesday while discussing programs. Can it get any better? No. No it cannot.

With kindness,


Currently Loving:

1. Stuff you Missed in History Class: This is one of my favorite podcasts of all time. Tracy V. Wilson and Holly Frey explore people, places, or events that are either fudged over or bypassed altogether in history books. One of my favorite episodes is “The Tuskagee Syphillis Study” in which the hosts outline one of the most recent and egregious unethical practices in medical history that resounds with the current Black Lives Matter movement. Give it a listen!


2. Magic hour hikes with Attie: I came home from work the other night feeling          desperately in need of getting some outdoor time. Attie and I set out on a long hike that ended on a grassy hill at sunset. We had a perfect view of the mountains. It was so rejuvenating and refreshing though Atticus lost patience with my selfies 🙂 He’d rather chase some squirrels.

3. LGBTIQA+ Equality March: last weekend I got a text about an equality march happening in my town. I had no idea it was a thing, even though I work in the LGBTIQA+ community. I quickly rushed to the nearest Walgreens to buy some poster board. My experience with my last march taught me that I need good shoes, sunscreen, lots of water, and a clever sign. My plan was to draw the Babadook with the caption, “Let’s Get Babashook” because apparently in some weird twist of Netflix fate, the Babadook is now a gay icon. Alas, I chose brunch over my poster. There was a modest turn out, but it was so empowering to stand with my friends to remind our community that we’re here and we’re queer 🙂 We only got two naysayers which is a win in our small, mostly conservative community.

I hope your week is going as well as mine!

All my love,


Currently Making Me Happy


{My newest plant babies getting some snowy light}

GUYS! I haven’t shared what I’ve been up to in a long time. I had many, many pictures since Christmas that I needed to edit. Here are some of my favorites that are currently making me happy. In high school I used to write happy lists in order to refocus on gratitude. I recently started writing those again, and all of these pictures document some of the things on those lists. It’s truly made me feel like a happier person in general. I would recommend it.


I chose these colors in honor of Valentine’s Day. I don’t much care for the holiday, other than having a great excuse to decorate with all sorts of pink, purple, gold, and hearts. Magical!


Confession: I WAY overwatered my Snake baby (also humorously called Mother’s In-Law’s Tongue). There was standing water in the bottom for about three days. The leaves started drooping, so I replanted the whole thing. Fingers crossed that it can still survive.


{My bestie at a new brewery in Texas}

Spending time with my friend, Breann over Christmas lifted my spirits more than I can say. We met at this brewery that gave us free food and free glasses. The service is warm, and the beer is delicious. If you go, get the Armadillo Ale Works. It’s a crisp blond ale. Take it from this Colorado beer snob, it’s the real deal.


{Women’s March in Denver, Colorado}

I was privileged and honored to take part in the Women’s March in Denver. This is one of the many, many pictures I took. I’ll share more about that in a future post. The gist is that I talked myself out of climbing a tree and I couldn’t stop crying. The two were unrelated.


James and Knox being willing participants in my photography experiments. As long as they get to take one picture each with my camera, they’re happy. I’m going to miss seeing these guys learn and grow.


I am so fortunate to have spent Christmas Eve with my family at my grandmother’s house. I have learned so much from her and everyone that was there. Thanks for letting me take endless pictures after dinner 🙂


I thought this sunset shot was going to be one of the worst that I took, but now I think it’s the best by far. Funny how that works.

Thank you for letting me share with you!




This is what 7 degrees looks like:


It’s currently 7 degrees in Colorado Springs. I took this while letting the dogs romp around in the snow. They’ve been getting some serious cabin fever. You can just see a hazy moon peeking out behind the branches of the tree. This is a calm cold. There’s no chilly breeze. All the neighbors are warmly tucked into their houses. The only sound was the crunch of the powdery packed snow giving way to my boots and the occasional honking from geese in flight. Thick snow flakes, the kind that settle into your hair and eyelashes, have been blanketing the ground for two nights in a row. When the sun rises, it resonates on each crystal, giving the town an enchanting twinkle.

Stay warm wherever you are, friends!


Halloweekend Etc.

This weekend was so wonderful. It was filled with candy, junk food, lots of friends, and lots of laughter. Now that it’s over, I feel like I’m in a Halloween hangover. I’m going to leave up my spooky decorations just a bit longer.


We stopped at a diner after last minute costume shopping at a thrift shop. Cy’s is magical. Go if you’re ever in Colorado Springs. They have curb side service and killer burgers. Try their shakes and malts too. You can thank me later.

We then went to two costume parties. Here are some of my favorite costumes:


Jareth, the Goblin King.


And his little Goblin.


A mummy complete with lots of spiders. When people asked him what he was he said, “A MOMMY!”


The boys wanted to take pictures of me. They reminded me that it was only fair because I took pictures of them. This is the best one that James took. I should let him take over my camera more often. Also, I was wedding Jenny from Forrest Gump and K was Forrest Gump. Grayson was running Forrest, dressed in red nike shorts and a yellow t-shirt. Atticus was young Forrest, complete with a plaid baby onesie (the only thing that would fit him) and newborn khaki shorts. My biggest regret is that I didn’t get a picture of all of us.


K and I made some delicious drinks for one of the parties. The punch on the left is four cups pineapple juice, two cans of pomegranate La Croix Sparking Water, two cans orange sparkling water, four cups vodka (lemon flavored if you fancy lemon). Garnish with oranges and raspberries. It was the favorite at the party.

The drink on the right is the one that I made in this post. I made it with vodka instead of whiskey this time, but I would strongly recommend only using whiskey. People drank it with the vodka, but it didn’t get the same reaction as when I brought the whiskey version to previous parties.


We ended the weekend with a casual brunch at Mountain Shadows, my favorite breakfast place in town.

When Halloween finally came, it was super anticlimactic. I bought four bags of candy, and we got ZERO trick or treaters. Looks like I’ve got some candy eating to do. I guess there are worse things.

Did you guys get any trick or treaters?


Currently Loving: Drinks on the Porch


For the first time in my adult life, I have a front porch set up that I can be proud of. I don’t usually spend too much time or money on decorating my house. Since I graduated college, I saved all my money for travel instead. But something about the crisp autumn air galvanized me to shop for decorations AND actually put them out front. I also randomly found the perfect table at Lowe’s that was on sale for $15 dollars. After that, everything just fell into place.


After a particularly stressful day at work, I invited my awesome friend, Jen over to enjoy some drinks on my freshly decorated patio. If you know me, you know that’s somewhat out of character for me. Unless my house has recently been cleaned, I don’t usually spontaneously invite people over. But the space that we’ve created is so wonderful that I just can’t help but share it. (It also helps that I’m super comfortable with Jen and she’s a wonderfully cool person.) By the way, if you like whiskey, you HAVE to try this recipe for these drinks from one of my all time favorite blogs. They were absolutely perfect for the occasion.


We sat outside for about an hour and a half solving the world’s problems and getting more vitamin D than I’ve had all year. The sun lazily set behind the mountains, casting an inky purple onto the mountains. The brisk breeze blew yellow and red leaves around the neighborhood, and the dogs chased after them. Little Atticus particularly loves catching and eating the golden ones.


Grayson is waiting ever so patiently for someone to throw a ball. Isn’t he adorable?


Thanks for letting me share! I’m really excited about the porch, and there are even more things to come when I can figure out how to get an extension cord outside (we’re talking ghost lights and maybe even a blow up Halloween decoration!). Stay tuned 🙂